Slippery slope

I've had a few busy days this week. I'm a little tired, as I'm sure lots of people are this time of year. Cahen's definitely busier than me. He's went directly from his day job to a concert - won't be home until around 10ish.

I should be doing dishes and vacuuming the carpet. Instead, I walked to Powell's to find some books to read, then stopped in Fred Meyer's to pick up something for dinner on the way home. Quick and easy was the goal. In my hands at the register: Quorn "chik'n" patties (to make a sandwich) and Doritos.

Doritos.

What was I thinking?

I ate half the bag.

Worse yet - now I want something sweet to compliment the salty. I've once again learned a lesson I will no doubt keep learning my whole life - if I bring junk food in the house, I will eat it with abandon. And want more.

Leftover coconut cake, here I come.

2 things.

First, a note to self: Next time, don't buy the family size bag of Frito's Scoops to serve with your chili. You got salt and oil all over the keyboard, the remote, your glasses...

Second, I can't believe I am just finding this. I have been watching episodes all day...and giggling.

Easy Chili

Here's a quick and easy Chili recipe (made it up 2 days ago and almost licked the pot clean).

2 cans Pinto beans
2 cans Kidney beans
1 can diced tomatoes with chilis
1 small can (8 oz.) tomato paste
1 cup (or 12 oz bottle) of Spicy V-8
1 cup water
1 pack of St. Yves ground meat substitute
1/4 medium onion
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 1/2 tbsp. chili powder
2 tbsp. dried cumin
1 tsp. salt
3 tbsp. hershey's cocoa
*add a few fresh chilis if you like the chili spicy
*add a bell pepper for crunch, if so inclined

Cook over medium heat for 30-45 minutes.

We serve ours with white cheese and Fritos (I know, ghetto, but it's goooood).

Enjoy!

#2 on the list

We finally have an addition to the list of restaurants that I hate in Portland.

Congratulations to #2 on the list: No Fish, Go Fish on Hawthorne. Slightly burned, gimmickly shaped sandwiches stuffed with some of my favorite ingredients (spinach & feta, olives & basil). Upon first bite, my face got all twisted and I returned the food to the bag I pulled it from. It was like some high teenager's first attempt to cook. I ate the hand-cut fries, though, despite the abundant oil.

(#1 on the list is Cup & Saucer...a local fave, for some unknown reason)

The Daily Show still making funny

America's humanity is on the line

Help tear down Guantanamo Bay! Help put an end to the torture and unjust collection of information.

Click here to sign Amnesty's petition!

What you gon' do?

Kickin' it with my boy Stavros this coming weekend, for his birthday and grand opening of his new bakery/coffee shop. Gon' be fun...

'tis the season

'Tis the season to shop and be thoughtful. While I've been on a quest to find places to shop that were aligned with my social and political views, I've come across a few goodies, so I thought I'd share.

Gaiam
Have bought yoga videos from them for years. Then, discovered they do much, much more than just videos and yoga stuff. All products are Fair Trade, veggie and made with minimal impact to Mother Earth.

Rawganique.com
Yummy clothes and linens made from hemp, organic cotton and sheared animals. They're so green, they're even "off the grid" - totally solar powered!

Pristine Planet
A super-helpful Eco-friendly search engine for shoppers.

Etsy
Site dedicated to helping artists and crafters sell their goodies. Clothes, art, ceramics and much more.

And, if your friends and family are like me and would rather you give money to needy people/organizations than buy me more stuff, here's my recommendations (and where my money's going this year):

Amnesty International
Doing good around the world - providing relief to prisoners of conscience and victims of violent crimes, and fighting for human rights all over the globe.

Doctors Without Borders
Delivering emergency aid to people around the world affected by war, epidemics and natural disasters.

Oregon Food Bank
Fighting hunger and it's root causes in Oregon. You can find a similar local food bank in your home town, too. (I setup a monthly automatic donation, so I can help all year long.)

Peace on Earth, good will to all.

Punky's first Portland review

Congrats to Cahen (Punky) and the Portland Vocal Consort on their first concert's rave review! As one of those in attendance, I have to agree, it was pretty nice.

click here to Read the Review!

something's in there

On Friday morning while I laid in bed, my head enjoying the sunken spot in the middle of my pillow, I listened to the gentle falling of the rain. It whispered to me, "Be still."

I decided to listen a while before getting up, despite my bladder's urging. I pulled back the curtains, just behind my head, so I could watch the rain fall, watch the crows walking like wind-up toys in the neighbor's back yard.

What seemed like only a minute later, I couldn't wait any longer. So, I got up to go to the bathroom. Walked past the kitties, who were both staring at the wall between the bathroom and the bedroom. Since staring at walls is a normal kitty activity, I paid little mind and went on my way.

It was only after I sat down in the bathroom, on the other side of the wall, that I realized that they were staring at something more than just the wall. I could hear it moving, right behind me in the wall, like the inside of the old wall was finally just crumbling into dust. But it wasn't just crumbling, it was giving way to the weight of something. And, there I sat. Unable to jump away.

Is it a rat? A feral cat? A squirrel? A raccoon? Can racoons fit inside a wall? Is it going to break through? (Mild panic sets in.) Quickly, I looked for a hole in the wall. No hole. I banged on the wall to scare it. The crumbling intensified. I'd scared it. Then, quiet. It ran away...or did it find a way IN?

I quickly finished my business in the bathroom and grabbed the broom. Then, checked the wall for any openings, then the closet. Nothing. No animal. No crumbling. The cats continued to stare at the wall. They had also begun staring at me apprehensively. I sat quietly in the living room, listening for more noises in the wall. I eventually made breakfast and started working.

It didn't come back, but I still have the broom handy. And the cats are staring at a new wall...

Japanese Gardens in the fall

On Sunday, Cahen, Kristen and I went to the Japanese Gardens for a Kimono exhibit. It was the first of many trips to the gardens.

Serene. Carefully constructed simplicity. The 3 of us spent the afternoon searching out new colors - within the leaves, the stones, the moss, the koi.

Not quite the news

I turn on the tv to watch a little news while I eat my breakfast (a spoonful of peanut butter and a banana). And, what's on, preventing me from changing to the news channel?



Isn't Tab Hunter dreamy?

Slow week

Slow week last week. Mainly because of this damn book. I can't put it down.

The Ruins by Scott Smith

Very well written. Creepy. I care about the characters and want them to live, but I don't think they're going to...

Catching up

The week just got ahead of me...so now it's time to play catch-up.

Last weekend, we went back to LA for our god daughter's blessing ceremony (I officiated it). We had the blessing at The Inn Of The Seventh Ray, tucked away in Topanga Canyon. It was a lovely service, if I do say so myself. Frida didn't take her eyes off of me the whole service. Several folks cried - and I always say I must've done a good job if people cried. Everyone agreed - brunch at the Inn Of The Seventh Ray was enchanting. I especially loved the brown rice with avocado and sea veggies.

Alex and Rory are already proving themselves as great parents. And, Frida: She's perfect. Her passionate eyes pull you in. Don't believe me? See the pictures for proof. Frida's Blessing Weekend

While in town for Frida's blessing, we also got to celebrate one of our favorite holidays at the best place to celebrate it: Day of the Dead at Hollywood Forever. There's nothing else like it in the US. Beautifully decorated altars, live music, food, vendors, incense, candles...and did I mention it's in one of the most beautiful cemeteries in the country? Check out some pics: Day Of The Dead

And, then, back in Portland, I got to take part in the Day of the Dead festivities here. While I was in the Pearl District for First Thursday (monthly art gallery openings), I stumbled upon a travelling Day of the Dead party. A 12-15 person percussion band being followed by a party of dancers, all dressed in Day of the Dead costumes (several on stilts). The coolest costumes: the ghostly puppeteer making his marionnette dance, while his spooky lady-friend (dressed just like the doll) performed all of the doll's actions. I followed the party, danced a bit and watched the show. Then, moved on to more galleries.

Busy week, more to write...later.

are we ready for the box set or what?

Finally saw "The Darjeeling Limited" yesterday.

I loved it. Loved it. Another great movie from Mr. Wes Anderson.

This one's my favorite, I think.

How do you make someone fall in love with characters in just 91 minutes? I surely don't know, but I'm glad Wes does. Broken, vulnerable, defensive and quirky characters. I want to be their friend...but they don't really exist. I know that.

And, I want to go to India.
And, I want a pet snake.
And I want to start stealing my friends' things so I can have them near me whenever I want. (Be warned.)

Monkey feet

Gotta keep my toes warm...

recipe: Corn Potato Chowder

Reading last week's entry made me want to just publish a self-created recipe that rocks (according to the eaters, and the creator).

Corn Potato Chowder

1/2 medium onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, diced
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tsp liquid smoke
1 tsp dried cumin
1 tsp dried cayenne
4 cups veg broth
8 oz. heavy cream (could reduce to 4 oz. or sub. lower cal/fat alternative)
2 large Yukon potatoes, unpeeled, diced unevenly
16 oz. frozen corn
shredded mozzarella (could sub. sharp cheddar)

Saute onion, garlic and spices in oil until onions are tender. Add liquid smoke, broth, cream. Add potatoes to hot soup base and cook 10 minutes. Add corn. Continue to cook until potatoes begin to break down (about 10 minutes). Using a potato masher, press potatoes to aid thickening. Add salt and pepper to taste. Let soup simmer for 5 to 10 minutes more. Serve with shredded cheese on the side. Serve as a meal with garlic bread. Feeds 4 to 6 (depending on appetite).

Buon Appetito!

I'm a dork

Yes, I'm a dork.

When invited to a friend's house for food, drinks and laughs, I asked what to bring.

The answer was vague - just a list of things that others were bringing: bacon wrapped corn dogs, mashed potatoes and sushi dip. Sounds like maybe they're going for a comfort food dinner. So, I'll bring a spagetti - nothing fancy, my favorite off-the-shelf sauce, Classico's Organic Sweet Basil Marinara, with veggie ground round. It's a weekly dish around here...usually lazy dinner night.

So, I walk in to a table covered with fancy finger food. There aren't any mashed potatoes. No corn dogs either. But, someone did wrap bacon around tater tots (and even they were kinda fancy). The sushi dip is actually nice...not cream cheese with onions and salmon in it like I envisioned. Stuffed mushroom caps. Pear, gruyere and jalapeno bruschetta. Cheese and crackers. Homemade salsa and chips. And my spagetti.

It never got opened. Just sat there on the back corner of the table in it's to-go Gladware. Embarrassed by my contrubution, I didn't draw any attention to it.

At the party's end, I quietly picked up my togo containers and took my uneaten spagetti home with me. Not considering that this action made me not only look like a lazy and unimaginative cook, but also stingy with my boring food.

Esh.

So, now, I'm working on some knock-out recipes to redeem myself. That is, if I ever get another invite...

...the bruschetta was amazing. Wish I'd thought of it.

wide eyed, teeth clinched

Too - Much - Coffee.

My eye is twitching.

Mind like a hummingbird.

Nervous limbs of a junkie.

Weave and all...

Every detail was planned and executed perfectly...right down to the weave to make her hair "wedding big".

The wedding was appropriately ceremonious - with obvious input from Jon & Becca. There were a few laughs, a few touching moments. Then Jon started stomping on stuff...oh wait, that was a glass...mazel tov!

The reception was a great gathering of friends - new and old. So much laughter, so much, er, alcohol. Everyone said it was going to be a late, great night.

When we got kicked out of the reception hall, the bride announced: "Everyone is welcome back to our room." (What was she thinking on her wedding night???)

Everyone showed up in their pink Madonna Inn bathrobes. Except me (and some others). I decided I needed to have mine, too. I stumbled to the room to get it...and never made it back.

I hear the rest of the party was a blast.

I can't believe Cahen outlasted me...

Congratulations Becca and Jon!

Now, make a baby already...

food for thought

Overheard at PDX airport, on the parking shuttle. A conversation between 2 "business casual" guys:

Stiff lip: "I do not like going all day without eating."
Long nose: "Well...we had breakfast."
Stiff lip: "yeah."
Long nose: "And, we had those sandwiches."
Stiff lip: "yeah, we did."
Long nose: "And you had that burrito."
Stiff lip: "Yeah...I guess I ate 3 times."

I want to look inside your head

Wes Anderson makes me happy. I'm very excited for the release his new movie "The Darjeeling Limited". And, in the meantime, I watched (free on itunes!) the short film, Hotel Chevalier, which is noted as part 1 of The Darjeeling Limited. His ability to develop characters by using minimal words and gestures delights me. His use of color makes my eyes smile.

But, besides my adoration for him as a filmmaker, I'm excited by his knack for drawing well-deserved attention to lesser-known artists whose talents escaped the mainstream.

For example: Peter Sarstedt, "Where Do You Go To (My Lovely)"


God Bless you Mr. Anderson.

Really?!?

Veggie thief: green tomatoes for dinner on Monday

Ok. Here's the plan:

When she leaves for work tomorrow, I'm walking right out there, right up to them, like they're my tomato plants, and picking those 4 green romas that are on the verge of turning.

Then, there'll be fried green tomato chips for dinner. With my favorite lima bean, sweet corn, black-eyed pea succotash.

Stop on by if you want some...

We're not home owners!!!

Yay! As of yesterday, we are no longer home owners!

We are finally rid of the condo in LA. We're FREEEEEEE!

What a great day!

This past Saturday is now one of my favorite days so far this year. Nothing really eventful, just a lot of little things that made it a great day.

I stole the car from Cahen (first time I've driven in about a month...he's been hogging the car and I like using public transportation and/or walking).

First stop: Music Millennium. It's no Amoeba Music (LA and SF), but it's a good little locally-owned music store with nice employees and good deals. I picked up the new Iron & Wine and Ani DiFranco cds. The Ani cd, Canon, is a collection of mostly previously recorded work, with some re-recordings. I have most of her music, but it's nice to have a collection she put together representing what she might consider her best. The new Iron & Wine, The Sheperd's Dog is fantastic! It makes me all glassy-eyed and dreamy.

I loaded the Iron & Wine in the car player, rolled down the windows and drove in the rain.

To my next stop: Stumptown Comic Fest. No, I'm not a big comic book guy or anything. But, there are a few really talented artists who choose small books and/or comics as a medium. I specifically was there to see more work from Theo Ellsworth (www.artcapacity.com), but also took the opportunity to check out a LOT of others, too. When visiting his table, I had the great pleasure of meeting Theo. He's quirky, cute, kinda shy but really nice. And, he's really talented. He embodies many of the characteristics of the people of Portland which inspired me to move here. A quote from one of his books, "Always Somewhere Nearby":
(from the introduction)
"I hope that you gain supernatural powers soon and that you save the world with them. I hope that everyone in the world is uncontrollably happy for the next 11 days strait, and then take a nice hot bath."

{me: bubbling over with glee}

I also met BT Livermore (radrobot.org) and bought his new book. It's the first volume of ten about a real boy who died in 1900, buried in the graveyard close to where I live. He decided to honor the boy, mainly because of his cool name and how short his life was (8 months), by creating this series imagining what he might've done in his life. In the first volume of The Life And Times Of "Baby" Otto Zeplin, Otto has his name legally changed from Frank to Otto, learns to play the sousaphone, has a sold out sousaphone concert, makes a ton of money on the stock market, spends all of his money on candy and is visited by the ghost of Ulysses S. Grant - all within the 1st 25 days of his life. The book and drawings are very well done, too.

Afterwards, I drove in the rain, listening to Iron & Wine, to The Tao of Tea (www.taooftea.com) for some lunch...and some tea. I enjoyed a nice black bean/cranberry/mixed green salad and a Japanese green tea while I read my new books (with a blissful grin).

Lastly, I drove up to Mt. Tabor Park, then parked and walked the rest of the way to the top - where you can see almost the whole city all the way around. I sat in the rain and caught up with old friends on the phone.

(Then, I saw the worst movie EVER - "Sunshine". Don't want to spoil the mood of the entry or I'd elaborate...)

stupid grin

The weather is so perfect today. The suns out but it's not hot. I think it's one last hurrah before fall really starts settling in over the weekend.

I caught the bus to the Post Office where my overnight package was being held, only to find out they were redelivering it today...and I didn't even care. I just smiled, walked back to the bus stop and made smalltalk with the elderly Russian couple until the bus came. That's how much I love today.

Going for a walk now...

Top 10 Tuesday!

Today's Top 10: Albums!

This was much harder to narrow to just 10 than I thought it would be. And, great fun listening to all these...just to make sure...

1. Dusty In Memphis - Dusty Springfield
2. Evolve - Ani DiFranco
3. Woodface - Crowded House
4. The Rise And Fall of Ziggy Stardust - David Bowie
5. Either/Or - Elliott Smith
6. Us - Peter Gabriel
7. Girlfriend - Matthew Sweet
8. BBC Sessions - Cocteau Twins
9. The Ultimate Collection - Dinah Washington
10. The Greatest Hits - Janis Joplin*

*I'm not crazy about the idea of a Greatest Hits collection being in my top 10, but it's there because this album is the single most-played album by my mother during my childhood. It may be the root of my love for music.

The almosts:
All of REM
Nevermind - Nirvana
Our Endless Numbered Days - Iron & Wine
The Tain - The Decemberists
The Crane Wife - The Decemberists
Lion and The Cobra - Sinead O'Connor
Rumours - Fleetwood Mac
CrazySexyCool - TLC

Happy Anniversary Punkie!

Today is my & Cahen's 6th anniversary!

I got snapdragons (one of my favorites); Cahen got suspenders (to hold up his ever-fallin' britches).

And, I made our anniversary playlist - Annie 6:
"Little Bird" - Annie Lennox
"Get Out The Map" - Indigo Girls
"Portland, Oregon" - Loretta Lynn/Jack White
"Running Up That Hill" - Kate Bush
"Lover Lay Down" - Dave Matthews Band
"Your Sweet Voice" - Matthew Sweet
"Love And Some Verses" - Iron & Wine
"Red Right Ankle" - The Decemberists
"I Will Follow You Into The Dark" - Death Cab For Cutie
"Let's Spend The Day In Bed" - Over The Rhine
"Three Little Birds" - Bob Marley & The Wailers

"Every little thing is gonna be alright..."

Happy Annie, Punk. I love you.

PLEEEZE, Shut Up.

Ok. It needs to be said.

A concert is NOT the appropriate place for a conversation. When the artists are performing, show some respect and shut up. If you really don't care to hear/see the performance, why are you there? If it's so you can say you were, leave and then lie about it. I promise, if anyone asks, I'll say I saw you there.

It's so disrespectful to the artists and the fans. And, it really pisses me off.

Why am I ranting about this?

Because it would seem that Portlanders are worse than Angelenos about talking during a concert. (Which seems crazy since everyone I've met is so nice.)

• Last weekend at Doug Fir Lounge, seeing Over The Rhine, 3 hipster girls stood in the back of the room and quacked about...I dunno...their outfits or their ever-so-cool frames THE ENTIRE SET. The show was amazing despite the clucking in the back.


• Two weeks ago at Wonder Ballroom, seeing The Watson Twins, there was so much chatter coming from the back of the room, it was hard to hear the acoustic performance of the band. Who was it? The shitty opening band to which we gave our full attention while they were onstage. Fuckers. I'd include their name, but I know that even bad publicity is good publicity. And, they'll get no support here.
  

Ok. Rant over. Back to happy...

My Top 10 songs

Tuesdays are for top 10's...well, for a few weeks at least. I thought it might be fun to be able to look back at these in a year or so and see if they're still the same.

This week: Songs!

(In random order)
"Oregon Hill" - Cowboy Junkies
"Both Hands" - Ani DiFranco
"Grace Cathedral Hill" - The Decemberists
"Que Sera Sera" - Sly & The Family Stone
"Superman" - REM
"I Used to be a Sailor" - Tracy Chapman
"Legal Tender" - B-52's
"Crying" - Roy Orbison/kd lang
"They Stood up for Love" - Live
"Summertime" - Janis Joplin

For those who read my blog, please feel free to tell us your top 10 in the comments - or request a cd and I'll burn ya one.

Russell Crow, Cameron Crow, Gregory Peck...

If asked, many of my friends would say that my favorite bird is the puffin. I probably would've agreed, until recently, when I've realized that I am drawn to and most fond of crows. The somewhat awkward way they walk through the backyard grass. Some may find their noises shrill and loud, but I consider them a call to attention. I always encourage the cats to come watch them with me.

So I let my newfound fondness for the dark fowl lead me to more information about them.

• Most people know, but may have forgotten, that a group of crows is called a murder.
• They rank at the top of the avian IQ scale - smarter than all other birds.
• When in need, they use tools to help them get food. They will drop thick-shelled seeds onto busy streets, so cars will run them over and crack the shells for them. They use bread crumbs to bait fish to the water's surface.
• They represent the spiritual transition into the afterlife - not to be confused with representing death.
• It is said that when robbers attacked the home of the first Dalai Lama (when he was a child), his parents fled. Upon their return, they found 2 Crows caring for the young bodhisattva.
• They heralded the birth of the 14th Dalai Lama (the current one).
• They are significant symbols in most non-Christian faiths, associated with the afterlife in some, with birth in others.
• In Greek Mythology, when crows gave Athena bad news, she turned their feathers black.
• They once idolized a man named Homer Simpson.

Hospitality and Humility

On Sunday, Cahen and I joined some friends for a walk up to Mt. Tabor Park to eat pb&j sandwiches and watch the sunset.

When we walk with our friends Chelsea and Dakota, we always check out the houses. There are many beautiful houses around here, especially as you get close to Mt. Tabor Park. It turns out that we have a common favorite. From the street, there isn't much you can say about the house itself, because it's surrounded by lush greenery, with hidden places to sit throughout. Some gardens are meticulously manicured, others strategically planned to appear unkept. And, then there's this kind of garden: the one that's been nurtured for years, allowing for careful negotiation with the plants to keep them flourishing while also making passers-by swoon.

We stopped to take it in and discuss our favorite details. The clumping bamboo. The fuschia in full-bloom. The semi-enclosed dining area.

Then an old fella, shoulders sprinkled with sawdust, approached. "That's what 20 years of hard work gets ya."

He offered, and we eagerly accepted, a tour. As we gushed over the details, he humbly gave the credit to his wife and daughter. We were all making mental notes for our own "dream house" - the weights & pulleys used to close the door behind us, the 30-foot-high grapevines, the secret enclosed koi pond retreat. I'm sure he, his wife and daugher are all equally responsible for the spectacular beauty of the place. It's also evident that time played a big role. There have been many hours over the course of 20 years tending, cultivating, pruning, watering, planning, shopping to make this place as lovely as it is.

I got something more from our tour than I expected - a gentle reminder to love what I do every moment. And, if I do, there's no telling what beauty might surround me in the years to come.

Sunset dinner on the mount was lovely, too.

Art, too, is in the eye of the beholder

I had a great night of art this week. Thursday marked the beginning of Portland's TBA Festival - an annual 2 week performance art festival.

I planned to attend the opening performance "On the Great Migration of Excellent Birds" - a large group of singers performing a piece intended to resemble the sounds and actions of birds. Then, walk around the galleries and check out new art premiering on "First Thursday".

*

The birds, albeit somewhat disappointing in magnitude, were delightful. A hundred singers gesturing like birds, chattering like birds, chirping like birds - and singing about how great it would be to be one. The highlights of the performance were the whistling and chirping (it really sounded like a bunch of birds) and the sometimes gimmicky "craning" of their arms and hands.

Then, I wandered through The Pearl district's many art galleries. My favorite gallery Beppu Wiarda premiered beautiful new work from Arvie Smith. The Pony Club's featured artist, Josh Simmons, left me wanting for something more. I did delight in the vulgarity of the work entitled "How to Fuck".

Afterwards, I intended to go home.

On my way to catch the bus, I thought I'd grab a quick cocktail. And made the pleasant mistake of walking into a drag show bar (Darcelle XV) 30 minutes before the early show. I opened the door and was immediately greeted by a 7-foot tall (including the hair) drag queen. Ahem, excuse me: Female Impersonator.

Me: "Sorry I was looking for a bar."

DQ: "Well, we got drinks. Come on in."

After a cocktail, I tried to make a quiet exit, but Darcelle herself said to sit "here" for the show and pointed to the table next to her wig changing station in the back. There's not too many things I can say I know for sure - but I know you don't argue with a Drag Queen. So I sat. And thoroughly enjoyed myself.

The show hasn't been updated in decades. I chose to forgive her, she is 77 after all - the oldest performing Drag Queen in the world. Lorena Bobbit jokes ("She was in a bad car wreck recently. Some dick cut her off."). Darcelle's first number was "Rhinestone Cowboy" in the standard ass-less rhinestone chaps. And what would an evening of old time drag be without a rousing "Hey, Big Spender"? Cheap drinks, cheap "women" and all around good fun. I'll be forcing everyone I know to attend shortly...in the meantime, I took a quick pic.

I remember thinking, during the show, that this was some of the best performance art I've ever seen. Perfect way to end my "night of art".

in the glow of the laptop screen

On this perfectly chilly September evening, I'm sitting in front of the open window, letting the wind blow through me and tickle my cold toes. I wonder if I'm helping set the mood of the neighborhood, in the dark - only lit by the laptop's glow, with my glass of wine, reconnecting with The Cowboy Junkies for the passers-by to hear.

And the hours, well, I dont mind
How they creep on by like an old love of mine
Its the years that simply disappear that are doing me in
-from "A Horse in the Country", Black Eyed Man

Boozers are losers

Last night, while sitting around the fire pit with friends, holding my 3rd glass of wine, I was informed by my favorite 4-year-old that "Boozers are Losers". Then, he fell asleep on my lap.

Hiding out

I've been hiding out for the past 2 days. Laying low. My eyes are heavy - that's always a sign I'm feeling down. Another sign is that I want to do nothing and I'm mad for doing nothing. I wish I was one of those people who could just work out to get rid of the blues. Thich Nhat Hanh says to cradle your sorrow. I don't think it counts, but I decided to feed it chocolate peanut butter ice cream with graham crackers crushed in it...it helped...

Random noteworthies:

*I'm obsessed with Annie Lennox's new video "Dark Road". It pulls me in. Moving lyrics, powerful voice. But mostly, I just like watching her sing. Especially when she's singing a sad song in a superhero costume. New album drops Oct. 2. Oh, the anticipation.

*While I wait on Annie, I have plenty of other great new music. Rilo Kiley, New Pornographers, Junior Senior, M.I.A., Tegan & Sara. I made a new playlist with Rilo Kiley, Junior Senior, Tegan & Sara and The B-52's. I got inspired because Kate & Cindy (from B-52's) do guests vocals on the new Junior Senior. Good fun.

*I almost got beat up by a 40-something neighborhood drunk on Monday. When I walked past him and his friends, his friend asked if I had a cigarette. I said "sorry man, I don't smoke". He said "you're gonna smoke in about 5 seconds" and started following me. For 6 blocks. I just kept walking. He was drunk. I felt stupid for not confronting him. Now, I feel stupid for feeling stupid.

*Some friends drunk-dialed me from another HOB going away party last night. It's nice to know that no matter how old you think you are, you're never too old to get drunk-dialed. Ron, I miss you too. Congrats on the new gig.

What is love?

I finished an article in September's Shambhala Sun, written by Velcrow Ripper (yes, his real name, wish I'd thought of it first), who was with Thich Nhat Hanh on his recent trip to his homeland - Vietnam.

He interviews Thay (as he is called) over a meal. He asked him "What is the meaning of Love?"

He answered "The first element of true love is loving-kindness, the capacity of offering joy, offering happiness, relief. The 2nd element is compassion. The third element is joy. And the last element of true love is equanimity, inclusiveness. You do not exclude anyone. No discrimination. This is the very element of true love. If you have love in that spirit, you remain free. You will not suffer and you do not make the other people suffer. And when you have that kind of love within, everything you say, everything you do, expresses that love."

I am meditating on this.

Funny Munny

Today's submission is in visual form. Someone just gave me the Munny sticker at a festival this weekend. I thought I'd draw a clown...or something scary. Well...

My humblest apologies if I offend any Jews, Clowns or Hitlers.

Well, um, no.

I've mentioned them earlier. The save-the-environment street hustlers.

"Do you have a minute for the environment?"

They seem to know my schedule and my route. I dodged 4 of them today. Years ago, I stopped, listened to the 5-minute pitch, even signed up for a minimal monthly contribution (which I cancelled a while ago).

Now, I'm not comfortable giving my credit card info to someone on the street - even if they are wearing an official looking name tag. Nor, do I want to commit to making a regular contribution to any fund. I'd rather just make donations when I feel it makes the most sense for my finances.

And, I don't want to be rude. I don't want to avoid eye contact. I want to smile and say hi.

So, how do I do it, without committing to the pitch? Today's attempts went like this:
Curly-headed hippie guy: "What're you up to today?" Me: "Walking."
Girl with overprocessed bangs: "Do you have a minute for the environment?" Me: "No."
(The other 2 I dodged because I couldn't handle further embarrassment)

Seems like the easiest way out of it is to lie and say I have already signed up. But I don't want to lie. Maybe I should act like I don't speak english, am deaf, confused, urgently looking for a bathroom...

I think I'll try to give them the best "dodge" they hear all day. I'm sure they hate being blown off by people, standing in the sun, on a corner in the downtown noise. That's my goal from now on - make 'em laugh at the guy who didn't have time for the environment because he "had to pee".

just watchin' the rain

It was overcast this weekend, with a good amount of sunshine – and a good amount of rain. Today, it really rained. Hard.

Rain makes me want to cook. I made a big pot of chili. My version is a little WT, but it’s tasty. Especially with a little shredded cheese and Frito’s. I use Yves veggie “ground round” instead of meat. I need to find a recipe appropriate to serve people outside of the South.

When it rains, I am the most content version of myself.

Today, I lit some incense, made some peppermint tea and sat on the table with Pomp, and watched.

Gotta have faith

Guh. I hate looking for a job. I’d really forgotten how much I hate looking for a job. I hate it so much, I start negotiating with myself over which jobs I should consider. My odds are better with an employer with 40 opens positions, rather than an employer with one. Depending on how long I’ve been looking for a job that day, I might even consider being a day laborer moving cadavers in the hot sun rather than spend another hour surfing monster.com.

The problem, really, is that I don’t have any idea what I want to do now. My next gig could be in any field, with any description. So, I have to look at all the job postings. I know that I’ll find jobs I want. I just have to siphon through a lot that probably nobody wants to find them.

On that note: “Now hiring! Grassroots environmental jobs open! Make a difference!”. Every f*cking day. Somedays I even consider it. “Do you have a minute for the environment?”

And, then something good comes along – a good friend, offering work. He doesn’t know how much of a relief it is to know there’s money coming in. I won’t have to consider any job for a little while longer. I can keep looking for the right one.

This week: Pilates Studio Manager, Recycling Specialist with the county.

It feels hokey, but I just keep thinking – You gotta have faith. The biggest lesson I keep learning is that everything works out fine.

Hang on, little tomato

Portland’s pretty cool for a lot of reasons. One of which is that people grow produce in their yards. Apricot trees, walnut trees, pear trees. There are several other unidentified fruit trees in the neighborhood which are cause for great speculation for Cahen and I on our walks.

But that’s just the start. There’s berry vines, squash, cucumber, spices – even corn.

The neighborhood is on the honor system. With the fruit trees and berries, it seems ok to take a little, as long as you’re leaving plenty. The veggies seem off-limits (unless there’s a sign encouraging it). Even the ones growing in front of our apartment complex.

One of our neighbors has a pretty healthy tomato vine in front of the building. It’s got 7 or 8 fruit on it right now. Most of them are still green, one of them is almost overripe.

I want to pick it. So bad. I know it’s wrong, so I fight the urge. But, the damn thing’s been hanging out there, glimmering in the sunshine, it’s juicy goodness on display, for almost a week now.

Should I post a sign in the common area: “Please pick your tomato, it’s taunting me”?

Should I pick it?

They better not let it go bad.

Or the rest of them are fair game.

DQ, I need you

I’m not the type to be lead into temptation. I’ll normally find my own way. And, like usual, I found it: Dairy Queen. Or, more specifically: Dairy Queen’s Blizzards. There’s a DQ way too close to our place. It teases me. It calls to me when I drive nearby.

Then it gets in my head.

The vacuum whirrs “Butterfinger Blizzard” like a ghostly howl. I’m reading a book and lose concentration. Reese’s Blizzard. I wonder if they let you create your own like at Coldstone Creamery. The obsession comes in handy sometimes…when I’m programming it’s fun to plan which flavor I’ll have later. Maybe I’ll have Cahen’s favorite, Caramel Cheesequake. Mmmmm.

But I can’t have one. They’re bad for me. And, I’m trying to live cleaner, healthier, more socially responsible.

Ah, but today…they were hosting a charity for a children’s fund…

Feeling free

Today feels like the day to restart my journal. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. But there hadn’t been much I thought merited recording.

I finished The Favourite Game by Leonard Cohen today. It is beautiful, honest. His words carve images in stone, but as delicately as a falling leaf creates a ripple in a quiet stream. I’m not normally someone who corners pages in a book, but couldn’t help myself. I didn’t want to break to find a post-it (which I normally have handy, but didn’t because of the move) and I needed to have quick access to some of the text.

“Lead me away from safety.”

Of all the powerful notions he writes, this is the one that sings to me today.

I love living in Portland. We have a small but promising group of friends. There’s more to discover than we’ll ever have time – in the city and in the surrounding forests and mountains. And, the food – oh the food. But what I love most is how alive I feel being free from the things I thought I needed – a career, a house, a plasma tv, and on and on.

My mind and my heart are reopening. My creativity is blossoming. My senses are reawakening.

(Thanks to Jon Bloom for recommending the book.)